Choosing a spouse wisely

The old Puritan writes:

Take heed that neither lust nor rashness do thrust you into a married condition.

Richard Baxter, A Christian Directory (Part II)

Baxter’s initial point is not to rush into marriage. He believes marriage is a big deal and it is something that should not be taken lightly.

Baxter continues:

It is God that you must serve in your married state, and therefore it is meet that you take his counsel before you rush upon it.

He essentially says, don’t rush into marriage, first look to God for guidance. His argument to look to God for guidance in choosing a spouse is shocking. Shocking to our 2026 minds that is, because it seems it was actually something common in Baxter’s day:

If the consent of parents be necessary, much more is the consent of God.

Baxter lived in a day where it was common practice for Christian children to receive their parent’s approval (consent) when seeking to marry. There is so much wisdom in that. We live in a day where our culture wants us to make big decisions on our own. Certainly not with the help and support of our parents. But generally speaking, parents want what’s best for their children. Generally speaking, having your parent’s approval for marriage is to be valued and sought out.

Many people will object by saying that not everyone grew up with parents or have a healthy relationship with their parents or have Christian parents. This is understandable. And yet, for people in these circumstances, they should seek out a healthy married couple or their church leaders for support and guidance.

Baxter is saying that Christians wanting to get married should look to God in choosing a spouse. Godly support and guidance can and should come from Christian parents or a parental figure in the church. This is from God.

Baxter continues:

And it is God that you must still depend upon, for the blessing and comforts of your relation: and therefore there is very great reason that you take his advice and consent, as the chief things requisite to the match.

Don’t rush to marriage and seek godly counsel from Christian parents or healthy parental figures in the church as you pursue marriage.